Picard Is Not My Captain

Jean-Luc Picard is weak. Actually the collective works of Star Trek: The Next Generation (as in characters, episodes, and movies) are all pretty weak. So it’s not just Picard. But the original Enterprise hero Captain Kirk is far and away the best.

This is not an attack on Patrick Stewart, who is a terrific actor. Probably the best in any Trek incarnation. But Picard stinks.

Nevermind that even in his Trek debut he already looked like someone’s grampa. Nevermind the poofy French first name “Jean-Luc”, which sounds like a fancy boy who got beat up a lot in school. Names in general were awful on TNG: Beverly? Deanna Troi (she was beyond useless, but that’s another rant)? Data? Get it? He’s a computer person so some clever genius came up with “Data”. And never forget the little wonder boy named Wesley who for some reason often got to pilot a federation starship. Because TNG is for babies! Yay!

Picard is a yappy, tea-drinking pontificator who is all talk and no action. People who like Picard probably also like the god-awful Star Wars prequels where half the movies are spent listening to boring politicians debate trade policies in the Imperial Senate. Rip-roaring sci-fi fun!

The original series had its flaws, but give me James T. Kirk (and crew) swashbuckling through the galaxy any day. The episodes explored fun sci-fi themes (unlike Picard’s crew constantly exploring each others feelings, or spending the entire hour trapped in the holodeck so they can wear old timey clothes), and they went on actual adventures.

Captain Kirk is my Captain. The one and only.

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