Hey, Bill Cosby? Shut Up.

Last Saturday night’s SNL was a virtual flashback of hilarity with Eddie Murphy returning to the show for the first time in, oh I don’t know, mumble mumble incoherent mumble years.

Murphy took the opportunity to open the show alongside some of the most lauded African American comedians, including Dave Chapelle, Chris Rock, Tracy Morgan and himself. He also took the opportunity to slam Bill Cosby, who he’d been feuding with for, oh I don’t know, mumble mumble incoherent mumble years.

Within a few hours, straight from some cushy prison for abusers, rapists and former Jell-o spokespeople, came a statement on behalf of the asshat himself, and said this:

“Mr. Cosby became the first black to win an Emmy for his role in I Spy and Mr. Cosby broke color barriers in the entertainment industry, so that blacks like Eddie Murphy, dave chappell, kevin hart and et al., could have an opportunity to showcase their talents for many generations to come. It is sad that mr. murphy would take this glorious moment of returning to snl and make disparaging remarks against mr. cosby. one would think that mr. murphy was given his freedom to leave the plantation, so that he could make his own decisions; but he decided to sell himself back to being a hollywood slave. …mr. cosby helps you embark on just becoming click bait.”

Oh, Bill Cosby…can you just shut the hell up?

Word on the street is that Cosby and Murphy’s feud all these years stemmed from Cosby talking down to most up-and-coming African American comedians because he felt that if it wasn’t for his success and his jokes about sitting in the dentist’s chair, they wouldn’t ever have found notoriety. That, if it wasn’t for him, the path to success would never have been available to other African American comedians. Clearly, the statement above, communicates such a perspective. Clearly, if not for Cosby’s great contributions to society through the singular show I, Spy — Eddie Murphy and Dave Chapelle (with an e, please), would never have found success either.

We’re just waiting for a statement from Murphy’s camp that reads a little something like this:

“Mr. cosby became the first cast member of I, Spy to break barriers and utilize rufies in alcoholic beverages in the entertainment industry, so that blacks like Eddie Murphy, dave chappell, kevin hart and et al., could realize what a horrible human being he had always been; and is still clearly today. mr. cosby has clearly showcased his talents of being the worst of his generation and it is sad that Mr. cosby is taking a moment out of his glorious incarceration to make disparaging comments about those who have not been convicted of rape, in a clear attempt to diminish the freedom they enjoy while Mr. cosby should be more concerned about becoming a slave to his new roommate, tiny.”

At least, that’s what we imagine Mr. Murphy’s camp might have wanted to release in response to Mr. Cosby’s behind-bars tirade. Then again, it’s even simpler and more elegant to just say…

Shut up.

Some people need to learn when it’s time to shrink back from the limelight. Some people need to realize that decades of successful TV shows, movies and standup are no longer considered successful when you’re a shitty person. Some people, like Mr. Cosby, should go quietly off into the background and leave well enough alone.

I can’t eat Jell-o any longer thanks to you, Mr. Cosby.


Some people just can’t shut up, no matter how awful a human being they are.

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