Hey Networks, Shove Your “Fall Finales” Up your Ass

Have you seen the pathetic depths to which the network promo departments have sunk? Don’t miss the “Fall Finale” of Young Sheldon! The Fall Finale? And the “Winter Premiere”? Go fuck yourself CBS.

Because a 16-22 episode season needs to make a big deal about the 10th and 11th episodes that are not special in any way, shape or form? Because they are so desperate to event-ize the non-event that is network television that they’ll say literally anything? Why not the September Finale a week after the season premiere? Followed by the October Premiere and the October Finale of course.

It reeks of desperation. And it should.

Not because of the promotional stupidity – that’s just commonplace in all TV and film marketing (“See this movie in a theater, it’s the family holiday event of the year!”).

No, the real story is that network (aka free) TV is dead. All of their shitty shows (and my god they are shitty) fight for fractions of the ratings the networks used to get. The Big Bang Theory was probably the last significant network ratings-getter, and even that paled in comparison to older shows like Seinfeld, Friends, Cheers, etc.

No one is watching the new shit shows they keep trumpeting as big hits. The “hits” are just watched by twice as many as the misses. But guess how much twice of no one is?

These days they even cheat to get their fractional ratings. They go by Live+ 7, which means they count anyone who didn’t even watch the airing, but recorded it and watched sometime in the next week. Um, people have been recording shows since VCR’s came out in the 80s – I don’t remember that ever being included in the ratings.

The networks survived cable, video games, and the ever-expanding competition all these years because they could still boast the best quality of shows for a broad audience. But those days are gone. Now they just throw shit at the wall like everybody else and see if anything sticks. And the streamers, like Netflix, have a huge advantage because their shit doesn’t NEED to be good – they just have to keep feeding the pipeline with content, good OR bad. Because they are subscription-based. Quantity matters to them, not quality. And if you throw enough at the wall you’ll get a few Stranger Things things.

Netflix doesn’t even bother telling anyone how many people are watching their crap – because it doesn’t matter! Sure here and there they’ll boast about how many tens of millions of subscribers watched something just to seem important – but none of it matters. As long as they keep up the volume, they’ll keep and maybe grow their subscriptions. And a few shows will stick (and even be good/liked) no matter how dismal their batting average is. Hell they even cancel most of the GOOD shows after a few seasons just to cut the operational losses.

All network TV has left is NFL football. And they know it. That’s why you see the emergence of CBS All-Access. It’s the same crap as free network CBS, except it’s not free – it’s subscription based. Picard? Really? Just take advantage of fanboy gullibility and steal their money. It looks like Golden Girls in space, but with even older actors and less action. Seriously, go fuck yourself CBS.

The other networks are soon to follow suit. Free TV is dead. There’s so much content out there that real talent has been diluted to the point we have to hunt and peck through dozens of outlets and hundreds of shows to find something worth watching.

And we pay for it.

Even though it’s bullshit.

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