For Parasite, The Tenth Time Is The Charm For This Bong

Didja know that in the bajillion-year tradition (read: 92) of the Oscars, only nine foreign films have ever been nominated for Best Picture?

Of course you didn’t. Because you don’t keep track of inane details like that. Details that, unless you’re a distributor, or book maker, or executive who acquired said foreign film for domestic release, it doesn’t much matter in your day to day existence.

But since you’re here, let me lay it out for you. Here are the nine movies that were foreign-language films, that were also nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. They include: Grand Illusion (1938), Z (1969), The Emigrants (1972), Cries and Whispers (1973), the non-Kevin Costner-starring The Postman (1995), Life is Beautiful (1998), Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000), Letters from Iwo Jima (2006) and Amour (2012).

And now, the buried lede? Parasite is going to be the tenth.

And now, how about for the story beneath the buried lede? Parasite is going to win it all.

And how about, now that I’ve laid out the buried lede and the story beneath the buried lede, I let you in on the algorithmic data beneath the buried lede and the story beneath the buried lede that confirms such a bold, daring, Bong Joon-ho schwag-deserving, assumption? Yes, let’s do that.

This past weekend, the nominated talent behind the sham-tastic Golden Globes took over Hollywood; attending parties thrown by the companies behind the lauded films, and carting out their talent ahead of the festivities. Just who showed up where is extremely telling for how receptive the town is for the talent and their potential when the nominations for the 92nd Academy Awards are announced. And while we could go on and on about all the talent and the parties and where they were and what they ate and how long they had to wait for their cars to be fetched for them in the valet line; there’s one key detail worth sharing.

Everyone wants some of that Bong; and stat.

Everywhere Bong went, he was followed by reviewers, celebrities, wait staff and creative Executives. There wasn’t anyone who didn’t want their time with the Ho, clamoring to share their love of Parasite through his always-by-his-side translator. From Leonardo DiCaprio to Brad Pitt, to bloggers and awards columnists, there is no question in anyone’s mind that there is one Bong to rule them all, and it is the Joon-ho himself.

Did you know that in Hollywood, when it comes to nominating movies for the Best Picture Oscar, it’s all about consensus and buzz? Now that’s one to grow on.

This is the first time in the history of the Oscars, that a foreign film with subtitles (read: reading) has been talked about like a real, bona-fide blockbuster. This is the first time in the history of Hollywood, that a foreign film director has landed on nighttime talk shows like The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. This is the first time in the history of the Awards game that a darkly comic, ingeniously-crafted movie made by a director whose previous movies involved a huge pig-creature named Okja and an out-of-control train overpowered by Captain America himself, have been overlooked and embraced on its own.

It also doesn’t hurt that most of the remaining potential contenders for Best Picture…well… They kinda suck.

Never before have more potential Best Picture nominees elicited a meh as this year’s crop of films. Sure, there’s the familiar scent of a Tarantino film, the traditional flavor of a war epic, the traditional over-long running time of a Scorcese film; and even a super-hero reimagining by the guy behind The Hangover. There’s a lot of solid filmmaking, but nothing inspiring like Parasite.

Watch tonight’s Golden Globes and remember the time this article was posted (read: before). We’re calling Bong as Best Director, Best Foreign Film and some potential acting and writing nods. And that’s the result of 90 or so clueless Golden Globes voters. When you get the massively-smarter, more aware, artistically-inclined voters of the Academy… The same people who gave the eternally-beautiful yet eternally-boring Roma multiple wins back in February, there’s only one result with the Parasite of it all.

They’re gonna go big for Bong.

Mark our pun-tastic words. We’re sure of it.

Leave a Reply