Ricky And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hosting Performance

Boy, did Ricky Gervais suck or what?

I know the dude has got a schtick going on where he shows up with a full glass of draft beer, puts it on the podium, and then goes off by insulting a bunch of celebrities until the next set of presenters are ready… because, well…beer. But really? Do you really need to come across as smug and angry as you did while hosting the Golden Globes last night?

As far as I’m concerned, that’s not entertainment.

In the not-so-short time that the Golden Globes beamed its way into our homes on Sunday night, Gervais saw fit to make fun of the fact that there were zero female directing nominations, told celebrities they knew shit all about politics and they should keep to accepting awards and not trying to change the world with their words, and repeatedly proclaimed he wanted to kill himself because of the show that he was at the helm of, and which he proclaimed he’d never be back again to host.

Can we get that in writing? The killing himself thing?

But that’s not necessarily the story. Because most people are writing about how horrible, horribly mean, and horri-blah Gervais was tonight and perhaps how the HFPA should just find someone new next year to be the host of the biggest show that allows alcohol, and serves a meal, and generally makes ridiculous nominations for ridiculous movies, and then snubs the better ones for worse ones simply because the HFPA got more face time with one actor over another; and well, you know how that goes.

The story here, honestly, is that we don’t need no stinkin’ Award show hosts any more.

Award Hosts come in two flavors. There’s Flavor #1, which are Award Show Hosts who cause chaos during the show or on social media years before the show, make fun of people, and generally tank the ratings. There’s Flavor #2, who are Award Show Hosts who you barely remember being there, except for some flashy musical number in the beginning and their goodbye salutation at the end like Hugh whatshisname and Ellen DeGenerally Boring. There’s rarely a host that people find so engaging, and so funny, and so in complete control of the festivities that they can’t find enough positive adjectives to slather upon them.

So if Award Show Hosts are either bad or forgettable, isn’t it time that we do away with Award Hosts completely?

While we don’t know the Oscars plan yet for this year, it’s looking like there won’t be a central host; especially after that Kevin Hart debacle (yes, Flavor #1). We’ve seen it work seamlessly, with various presenters and celebrities showing up to introduce a segment and then going on their merry way. While there’s nothing like a Billy Crystal insert-myself-into-a-nominated-movie bit, which others have sueded over the years, who wants to see anyone having fun with showing up in Cats or The Irishman when those movies have already used CGI to make us laugh at the ridiculousness of it all on their first go around.

Short bursts of celebrities reading teleprompters. That’s the answer.

Will Ferrell and Pierce Brosnan for three minutes is genius. Anne Hathaway and James Franco bantering for two minutes before awarding the Best Animated Film seems fun. Even Ellen, for three and a half minutes, introducing Best Song while dancing in the aisles, is a fond memory. But give any of those people three hours and you’re in for a never-ending ride reminiscent of that childhood back-of-car cross country trip with no Wifi and even rarer rest stops.

As for Ricky “Smug McSmuggy” Gervais?

Funny isn’t smug. Funny isn’t mean-spirited. Funny isn’t angry.

Heck, funny isn’t you.

3 Comments

  1. SD

    This was hands down the best opening monologue ever! How many of those in attendence WERE friends with Epstein and knew? They WERE the ones who allowed Weinstein to do his thing. They ARE ridiculous lecturing people about climate while all taking seperate limos and jets to get there. Finally, NO ONE wants to hear a dang thing about what these vapid morons want to say about anything political, except other vapid morons of course. We just want to see attractive women in sexy dresses, men in proper fitting tuxes, and a few jokes here or there while popular films like Joker and Once Upon a Time beat out the snobbish and foreign films no one cares about. If the Oscars were smart they’d call up Gervais tomorrow and offer him that gig in a second.

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