SNL’s Pete Davidson Is Living Out The Movies Long Shot, Groundhog Day, And Truth Or Dare

Did you hear? Apparently 26-year-old SNL comic Pete Davidson broke up with his 18-year-old model girlfriend Kaia Gerber (daughter of Cindy Crawford). Or she dumped him. Whatever. That’s not the interesting part.

Previously he was linked (and even engaged) to Ariana Grande, as well as Kate Beckinsale. But that’s not the real story either. The real story is…

WTF??

Seriously – WTF??

These are gorgeous women who can have anyone they want. Pete Davidson?? The guy who looks like a cross between Slenderman and a crescent wrench? This is literally like watching the movie Long Shot play out in real life (where Seth Rogen and Charlize Theron make such a believable couple). Then mix in some Groundhog Day, because it keeps happening over and over with different women, each seemingly equally improbable.

Yes, I get that women like funny guys. Is he that funny? John Candy was funny, but we didn’t see him romancing the likes of Julia Roberts and Nicole Kidman. Sure we’ve seen David Spade pull this off too with model types and pre-bananas Heather Locklear, but somehow Pete feels way more extreme.

By the way, not trying to bash Davidson here – honestly I’m in awe of the man. I’m just trying to understand it from the other perspective. What’s wrong with these women?? Self-esteem, daddy issues, a dare? Is the Blumhouse Truth or Dare movie playing out for real here? With each of these women passing him off on the next with a tearful “I’m sorry – but if you don’t do the dare you die!”

Audiences didn’t even buy this kind of mismatch happening ONCE in the movie Long Shot – but Davidson is doing it over and over and over! Do you think over at Lionsgate they are pitching this as a viable franchise? “Well in Long Shot 2 we could have Seth hook up with Margot Robbie, and then in Long Shot 3 someone more grounded like Jennifer Lawrence so everyone can relate.” No? Not buying it?

I want an explanation that makes actual sense. Collectively as a society we deserve one. Because right now it feels like it does when you watch Neil deGrasse Tyson suggest that reality has 8 more dimensions than the ones we think we live in. It’s not fair that we should lose sleep over these things.

Now this? This made sense:

The guy was a billionaire. I would have married him too – and I would have looked a lot happier about it than Anna Nicole does. But at least we all could grasp why this woman would date a Civil War veteran.

Kaia, Kate, and Ariana don’t need Davidson’s money. They probably all have more than him anyway. Good in bed is he? Yeah, I’m sure he’s the only one you could find. Or maybe it’s the “I want to fix him” thing? No, sorry – you can’t fix this:

Pete, you sir are my idol. I am beyond impressed. You can stop now.

But ladies…

You got some splainin’ to do.

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